Step Into Your Own Powerful Self

It never ceases to amaze me how people like to rely on other people for help, support or advice. Worse still – how people tend to blame others for their problems and current circumstances.

In reality, the solutions could not be easier. We just have to realize that we are our own powerhouse. All we have to do is step into it and use the power that is there in our disposal and has always been.

I watched some time ago the speech Oprah Winfrey gave when she announced that her current TV season will be her last. She was holding it together very well until a certain moment, when emotions took over and she needed to pause and compose herself before she continued. In that pause, there was everything. In that pause I saw a powerful woman, who made a decision not to cry, because she knew she would probably never stop and that would have spoiled the moment. Having said that, how many of us would crumble under the pressure? How many of us would allow factors other than our own decisions to take over? Probably many of us.

By stepping into our own powerhouse we take the power for our decisions and our behavior into our own hands and deal with life situations from that starting point. If things don’t work out, we are responsible and can try a different way. If things go brilliantly, hey, we take that responsibility and pride, too!

When facing a tough decision or a difficult situation, just remind yourself that you are the one who holds the power. If the analogy with a powerhouse helps, use it. Imagine yourself stepping into a powerhouse called your inner self, switch on all the lights and off you go. The lights will show you the way and the walls of the house will protect you. You are invincible.

Can Honesty be Your Cure?

I have a friend who recently started complaining about persistent insomnia. He also persistently believed it was caused by weather changes, heavy food, uncomfortable pillows, etc. Then I asked him, just for fun, to put down all the things that were currently not working in his life or that bothered him on some level. He did the list, brought it to me – and oh boy, was it long!

He walked around with this long list in his head, not knowing it was so long and not realizing how much certain points on the list frustrated him – until his body decided to take over and send a message that something was very, very wrong. Needless to say, just making the list has helped my friend gain more clarity. And by starting to tackle one issue after another (always starting with the smallest and easily fixable issues first) he has regained his restful nights.

The lesson here is not about lists and sleepless nights. The issue here is honesty and how much we are using it when evaluating or thinking about our lives. How many excuses do you use to hide the obvious facts? How many lies do you feed yourself on a daily basis? How often are your feelings spot-on but you decide to listen to your “brain voice” instead?

By incorporating honesty into your daily actions towards yourself, you will gain many valuable insights. Not only about who you are but about who you really want to be. If you want to be happy, positive, full of energy (and have a good night’s sleep!), start asking some relevant questions and answering them honestly. This would be a great beginning, followed by, hopefully, some even more relevant action.

The Easy Way to Support Your Goals

If some of you don’t like the word “goals”, you can use whatever word feels right for you: desires, intentions, wishes, aspirations… The point is, if you want to get somewhere in life, you need to know your direction – and your goals are like stepping stones towards that desired final outcome.

So why is it then that so many people struggle to achieve their goals? And what can be done to avoid this situation? It might sound too “technical” but setting up a structure around the way you approach your goals is very important.

What I mean by “structure” is certain practices, rituals, habits, that make sure you are working on your goals continuously. If you go towards your goals on a daily basis, that is already a good beginning.

Other practices that might be helpful are: regular visualizations, meditations, making vision boards, posting affirmations somewhere where you can see them, listening to motivational programs while driving… Or you can do all of these!

The point is – setting your goals is not enough. You have to create a support system which will carry you through the times when you want to quit. Having a routine to rely on when things get tough differentiates those who actually achieve their goals from those who repeatedly fail to achieve them.

If you need a friend to accompany you to the gym, because weight loss is your goal, find one. If you need to re-decorate your office to make it a happier place to work in, do it. If you need to get up 15 minutes earlier to be alone and center yourself for the day, do it.

Only you know what works for you. Don’t postpone setting up these structures; they will keep you on track when it is needed the most.

Time for Yourself – Anybody Interested?

A while ago, I ran one of my workshops and something interesting happened. Before I tell you what this was, I have to point out that the participants were all female – I wonder then, if the following “syndrome” is something typical for women only. I’ll leave that to your own judgment.

At the beginning of the workshop I asked the participants to put aside their families and their needs, their jobs and the demands connected to them. I asked the ladies in the class to concentrate (for the purpose of the workshop) purely on themselves; on their wishes, desires and goals. We underwent the entire process of how to make perfect goals, step-by-step.

My surprise came when, at the end of the exercise, I asked them to read some of their goals to me! The goals were very similar to this: “I want to have…for my children.” “I need to….for my husband.” “I deliver….for my boss.” Most of their goals were tailored around helping out somebody else!!!

I was left wondering – is it really so difficult for us to put aside 3 hours of our time and be utterly and shamelessly selfish? Is it impossible not to focus most of our actions on those around us? Was the concept of prioritizing ourselves for a while really such a foreign concept to those fabulous ladies?

If you find yourself thinking along the same lines as the ladies in my workshop, I would like to ask you to go somewhere quiet and think about your life and who you are living it for. It goes without saying that doing things for others is part of who we are as human beings. However, devoting at least a tiny little bit (if not more) to ourselves and our own thoughts and desires on a daily basis is a must.

If you realize it and start doing something about it, you will be surprised. You will feel more valuable to yourself and become instantly more valued by others. Just you wait!

How Do You Make Your Decisions?

Making decisions is part of our daily life and for many it can be a cumbersome task. I know some people who go around asking half the world what they think about the decision they are about to make. Imagine if the opinions of such a huge group vary (and they often do!) – what then? Then there are those who do their research quietly. They read the information, compare the facts, make a shortlist of possible outcomes and then finally make their decision. By themselves, yes, but my goodness the time it took!

And then there is the rest, who make their decisions spontaneously – and believe it or not they actually have fun in the process!

What is the difference here?

When making our decisions, we can either rely on the external factors – the facts, the numbers, the news, the experience and opinions of other people – or we can listen to our own internal guidance and follow what we feel like and what works for us.

Guess what? Who knows you and your situation and needs the best? You do! Who knows (even if very, very deep inside) the right answer? You do! Who knows what feels right and what feels wrong? Yes, you do.

It is the nature of human beings to underestimate our own opinion and guidance. We tend to believe that others know more and that if we listen and follow, we will be fine.

While that might be true in some cases, if you eliminate that external stimuli, calm your mind down and listen to your inner guidance, it will give you the right answer – every time; hands down; without any mistake.

Try it with “small stuff” and when you feel you can trust that inner voice, go for the “big stuff”. You will not be disappointed.

A Few Words about Energy

My son is almost 10 and he recently started his “I am into hip-hop now” phase. As a result, the latest CD by the Black Eyed Peas landed in our household and we all had to listen to it and express our opinion.

Trying to be a “go with the flow” mother (at least in certain areas), I happily listened to the music and the lyrics and actually quite enjoyed it. What surprised me, though, was when my son explained that the “E.N.D.” of the title stood for “Energy Never Dies” – what a powerful title that is!

It struck me immediately that everybody should remember this phrase, whatever their situation is. For energy is always around us, moving exactly in the direction we want it to. You keep thinking negative thoughts and the energy around you swings towards negative things happening to you. You make sure your thoughts are positive and re-assuring, and the energy reacts accordingly. This belief was proven to me recently, when all the houses on our streets got broken into, one after another over a period of time. I had decided right from the beginning that it was not going to happen to our house and sure enough, we were the only house left untouched.

I know that life can get tough, even super tough. I know that writing the words about energy is easier that dealing with some situations that life can bring upon us. Remembering, though, that everything is moving and changing all the time should be enough to keep us hopeful that one day the change will touch us too. If, on top of this, we believe this change will be positive, so it shall be.

Go on, do all you can to shape your energy the way you want to and if you feel like listening to some music along the way, the Black Eyed Peas album is highly recommended.

The Easiest Way to Your Fulfillment

To feel fulfillment in our lives is one of our highest aspirations. Quite often, though, the desire to feel fulfilled means we mistake temporary achievements or gathering of possessions for this feeling of contentment.

Sure, it feels good to get a new car. We enjoy it for a while but then the excitement fades away; the new car becomes normal for us and we are off after our next pursuit. The same goes for other highlights: promotion, salary increase, new partner, bigger house.

The thing is, if we are not fulfilled inside, none of the above will make us happy over a long period of time. I believe that to feel truly fulfilled we need to fall in love with our inner selves. That emotion will carry us through anything and we will feel fulfilled, even if we have nothing.

Feeling fulfilled is not the same as feeling good. You can go through a rough day and through a range of emotions and still feel fulfilled! In fact, sometimes you actually have to go through activities that do not feel good to feel fulfilled! In my case, I started kick-boxing lessons recently in order to improve my stamina. Does it feel good to deliver punches and be sweaty within the first 3 minutes? Heck no! Do I feel fulfilled? You bet! I am trying something I have always wanted to try; I am pushing my own boundaries and feel on top of the world through it all!

Fulfillment is about being truly alive. It is about expression of who you really are. Throw away all those “shoulds” and “wants” and “must haves”. Enjoy your real, fulfilled self. It is much easier than you think.

What is the True Reason for your Actions?

If you are one of those people who has the urge to say “yes” to everything, this is a must-read article for you.

I come across this “yes”-impulse in my clients often – especially female clients; the men don’t seem to suffer from this syndrome as much! This “yes”-impulse makes clients relentlessly volunteer for everything that requires volunteering; continuously care for their kids’ pets; never fail to provide a shoulder for friends to cry on – and only occasionally admit that they feel “overwhelmed”. And is there any wonder, these clients feel overwhelmed? All their precious time is spent on others; there no time left to think about their own lives, thoughts, feelings or wants.

Saying “yes” to any and every request often has hidden reasons. For example, some people over-volunteer because of a desperate need to be appreciated, or because of a need to feel important, or simply because of a need to be so busy that there is no time to focus on the reality of their life.

If you are constantly striving to please everybody else, all the time, and are beginning to get tired of doing so, try the following simple exercise. Every time you are asked to do something, ask yourself before replying: Do I really want to do this? Or do I want to do it because I think I should?

There is a big difference between “wanting” to do something and thinking we “should” do it. There will always be responsibilities, things that we “have” to do. But apart from these core tasks, try to always differentiate between “want” and “should” – this will be the fastest indicator of the real reason for your future decision making.

If possible, from now on, try to commit only to those activities that you really want to do. Your life will be much easier and you will have more fun too!

Are you hiding behind your stress?

When I talk to clients who are stressed, I have noticed they have one thing in common. Actually, they have more things in common but one stands out for me.

They all seem to be running around, doing this, doing that and if they have a spare minute, they decide to re-arrange the furniture or straighten up the books on the shelves, just to do “something”.

At the same time, they claim, they are tired. They have no time just to sit and relax, because if they did, they would earn less money and the competition would snatch their niche, and so on and so on. When asked if that is an ideal life for them they say no but no other life is possible, period. And then they start talking about travelling to new places and taking walks by the ocean and relaxing with a book, while having this dreaming look in their eyes as if those activities were only allowed for royalty.

The trouble comes, when I share my piece of honesty with them, pointing out that they are clearly running away and hiding from something, most probably from themselves.

In all fairness, such is the nature of many of us. Running in circles, complaining all the same, describing how life would be outside the circle and then sadly concluding that we don’t have enough courage to break free. Why is that so? What can be so difficult?

The truth is, it is often easier to make millions than to sit down and admit that we are not happy with our lives. It is easier to train for a marathon than resign from a job that bores us but represents stability. It is easier to complain than break patterns and habits and possibly get a bit shaken in the process.

Yet the truth eventually catches up with us, should it be in the form of sickness, getting divorced, being fired, the forms are endless. When you think about it, isn’t it just easier to sit down, do an honest and thorough evaluation of your life right now and start implementing changes bit by bit?

Look at it this way. When the action comes from you, it is much more honorable and easier than when somebody has to do it for you. Don’t you agree?

A Word or Two about Emotional Vibrations

Do you know the following quote from Abraham: “When you emerge into the day, let your vibration be the dominant one. Your vibration of joy, your vibration of growth, your vibration of freedom, your vibration of love, your vibration of all is well. And anybody that is out there vibrating in discord with that – will vibrate somewhere else.”

I love that quote! What I like the most is the re-assurance that if you remain positive and focused on your joyful emotions and on what it is you want, everybody who is in your way will get lost! Isn’t that just great?

I have heard many stories about the dreadful boss being transferred elsewhere or the misbehaving boyfriend finding himself a new girlfriend, thus just disappearing and sparing the ex-girlfriend the pain of dumping him!

When the people whom you no longer want in your life persist, there must be a reason for it. You need to look deep within yourself and find out what is keeping you attached to them. Maybe you are learning something from them? Perhaps your vibrations are good when it comes to everything else but still awful when it comes to this person?

Don’t waste your time thinking up a vicious plan on how to avoid such people or get rid of them, the Universe will do it on your behalf, if you let it. Just remember, even towards people we don’t like we need to send the vibration of love and peace. At the end, they will either accept it and their behavior will become loving and peaceful, too, or they will be removed miraculously from your life. Try it and then wait and see!

Learn to Shift Your Perception

Everything in life is about perception, meaning, things can be different if we look at them differently.

Keeping this information on top of your mind can be extremely helpful whenever you find yourself in a situation that is pulling you down instead of keeping you up or when your feelings of ease and happiness are long forgotten and you can’t imagine you will ever find them again.

All those feelings of disconnection, loss of direction and not having enough energy to keep us going can be easily changed by a simple shift in our perception.

Let’s say you have been trying for some time to get promoted. You feel you work hard; you have all the competencies, qualifications, drive, etc. Yet the promotion is not happening. Over time your perception of the whole situation might begin to slide towards self-doubt, de-motivation and thinking that your Company or your boss will never recognize you and you are just wasting time working for them.

In a situation like this it is hard to remain positive and believe in a better outcome. Here is where a shift in perception can help. Firstly, you can shift your perception towards experience and ask yourself questions such as “What am I learning here?” One of the answers can be: “By having been in this situation for such a long time, I have developed patience, I have come up with new ways to motivate myself, I have improved my competencies”. Doesn’t that sound more powerful?

Another shift in perception might be towards honesty and you might ask questions such as: “Do I really want this promotion or am I after it just because everybody tells me I should?” By giving yourself an honest answer you might realize that all that time you spent waiting was not lost , because you actually would be happier in another job altogether.

No matter what our reality is, there is always a lesson to be learned. Realizing that is already a first step to shifting your perception the right way.

The Ancient Wisdom of Kung Fu Panda

For those of you who have children, you have probably seen and enjoyed the movie Kung Fu Panda. For those of you, who don’t, you might want to consider watching it; it can teach you a lot.

Poor Panda, the main character of the movie, has to overcome a lot, push a lot of boundaries and break many beliefs he held about himself. Along the way he gets a lot of advice from those who are more mature than him and plenty of it we could apply to our everyday life; but from all of that wisdom, there is one that stood out for me.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift” is a sentence that helps Panda eventually turn things around. I know we all recognize something similar from other places where we might have heard it. For me, though, this particular phrase has a special sound to it and so I stick with it.

It comes really handy in situations when you worry about a certain outcome, even though that particular outcome is out of your control. The statement helps when you are beating yourself about the past mistakes which you can do nothing about any more. And it points out the importance of presence as the only guarantee you have.

Remembering those simple words in your hardest moments is a reminder that all that you have is now and the way you deal with it is up to you. You can start treating yourself with respect right now. You can pick up the phone and call that person you have missed right now. You can apply for a new job right now. You can start treating people with kindness right now.

To accept the above and change your perspective might not be easy but look at it this way. If the animated character can do it, surely you can, too?